there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
These tits shall not be calmed
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
