I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
