Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
