I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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