Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
