Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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