***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
