I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
