Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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