my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize