Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
