two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
