My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
