so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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