what day is it and did you see me today?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
