reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
