as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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