She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
