i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
