ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
