took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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