So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
