the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
