Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
