After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
