there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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