before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
