The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
