I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Randomize
