none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize