I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
