Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
