Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
