Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Randomize
