highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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