I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Randomize