I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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