My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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