so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
