You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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