how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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