Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
