It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
