Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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