brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
