I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
