it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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