I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
