Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
