I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
