I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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