I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
