I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
