Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
