What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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