Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Sorry about my life...
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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