the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
