I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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