You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
