there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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