If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Randomize
