you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
you will always have a special place in my vag
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
