Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
