I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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