Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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