if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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