her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
