no one should ever give us hovercrafts
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
