and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
