I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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