the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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