y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I love having hate sex.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
